Friday, March 09, 2007

It's tolerable or at least it isn't abject suffering...

I've posted somewhere on one of the cancer boards that the side effects of Tarceva was painful but tolerable. At least, it's not abject suffering. That's my position about 95% of the time. Twice a day, as part of my daily routine, I exfoliate my face. That's where the rash is the worst. At that time, it is abject suffering. It stings like anything. Of course, it varies, sometimes it's better than others. But usually it does sting. (Tonight was a good night. It was not too bad.)

Applying oil (Vitamin E oil) on it is okay. Then the Eucerin to seal in the moisture. I use this special Calming Creme that Eucerin just came out with for people with very sensitive skin. It's anything but calming. It feels like I have many small cuts on my face and the lotion just gets into them then burns! As soon as I apply the lotion, I need to do 2 laps around the house reciting the Memorare and asking all the Saints to intercede for my petitions. After that, I'm good for about 8 hours.

My husband has asked me why I do this to myself. Can't I look for other products that won't sting? I have to admit that I should do that soon. But for now, I have to go through this twice a day because the alternative is actually worse. If I don't exfoliate and extra moisturize, the skin on my face will feel like brittle paper that will tear at any facial gesture. Even with the extra moinsturizer, I find it hard to open my mouth too wide. The skin on the sides of my mouth feel like they're gonna tear.

So, I cope. I cope with prayer. I've found that the pain makes the prayer feel more sincere. Or at least it's easier to really focus on the prayer. I offer my sufferings to Him for His greater glory. Then the pain seems insignificant then it fades away.

And He said,
"Cast your burdens upon me,
Those who are heavily laden
Come to me all of you who are tired
Of carrying heavy loads
For the yoke I will give you is easy
And My burden is light
Come to Me and I will give you rest."
Lift Up Your Hands - Basil Valdez
Based on Psalm 55:22

No comments: